Thoughts On Being Single
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
A couple of weeks ago on my Instagram stories someone asked me about dating and it got me thinking about so many important things in this season of my life.
I think singleness is often something we look
at as a bad thing, like something is wrong with us and our life...or that
something is missing.
The fact is, I’m single...I’ve been single for
24.5 years (that's weird actually typing it out), but you know what, I kind of love it! Since I've never been in a relationship I guess I don't know what I'm "missing out" on, but even if you have experienced a relationship, I think there is something beautiful to be found in singleness.
I think singleness is often something we look at
as a bad thing, like something is wrong with us and our life...or that
something is missing. I mean, once you hit 20 everyone starts asking you “So
are you dating yet?”...it’s like being in a relationship defines our status in
society! I think the whole mindset around relationships and dating is even more skewed when you have been single your whole life (like me).
But what if singleness were the best gift? What
would you have to change about your mindset to see your season of singleness as
a blessing and not a curse?
When our season relies on our mindset, It's all about how we think
about and view the situation, because how we view our current season determines
not only the outcome of that season, but the lessons we learn in the midst of
it.
If I can't view my season of singleness as a blessing (instead of a curse) and see all the great and positive things about it....if I can't be content in my singleness, then I am never going to be content in a relationship...changing my mindset about relationships and being single might take me changing my plans for life (or at least what I thought my life should look like), an instead rely on God's plan...even if it's not what I expected.
Here's the real nugget of wisdom I've gleaned over the last 5ish years of my life....If my reason for desiring a relationship is in thinking that it will satisfy some desperate need that I have, then I am going to be let down and dissatisfied when that season comes, because as imperfect human beings, other people cannot satisfy our lives and fix all of our problems...finding joy and contentment in life starts with looking inside of ourselves.
The fact of the matter is that this SEASON will
never come again, so we should embrace it & value it, instead of being
disappointed by it. Sure, you might not be where you want to be. Maybe you
thought you would be married by now, or at least be in a relationship (fact: 15
year old me thought she would be married at 25). But there is a season for
everything, and maybe you need this season of singleness to learn a lesson you
need for your next season?
Maybe your not ready yet (as much as you think you are) and God knows that (he sees beyond the here and now)! Just like any aspect of my life, my currently non existent “love life” is all about TRUSTING God’s plan and his timing....I could meet "Mr. Right" tomorrow and if that happened I would jump on board with God's plan, but if not, I am fine with my season & find fulfillment in it.
Of course as the years pass by and time ticks away it always get’s me to asking myself “at what point do I take steps to put myself ‘out there’ instead of waiting for someone to show up on my door step?” (theoretically, not literally, but hey, that doesn't sound like a bad plan). Because if we are being honest, it would be so much easier if I lived in the 1800’s and my parents just set me up with a rich guy who made 10,000 a year, or I met some young rancher who put an add in the newspaper and became a “mail order bride”, instead of me having to figure out this whole “modern dating” thing.
The funny thing is that the other day my mom looked at me and said
"You know, I was thinking, if you ever want to try a Christian dating
site, you should just go for it, see what happens"..... I'll be
honest, I was not expecting her to say that and I honestly had to laugh because since Quarantine started I keep getting ads online for dating sites/apps. In all honestly, I see the positives
of dating sites/apps, I can see the huge benefits those resources have for
people (especially introverts), but at what point do you make that choice to
try it out....is making that choice an act of desperation of taking matters into your own hands or is it an act of
self growth and taking a leap of faith? Is really “putting yourself out there” a leap of faith in trusting
God, or is it a stance saying you don’t trust his plan and timing and want to
do it your way?
(for clarification, I don’t think I will try online dating any time soon…lol)
The real message though, is that SINGLENESS
DOES NOT DIMINISH YOUR VALUE, and it doesn’t take away from your life, just
because your path looks different than another, doesn’t mean it is any less
important.
I’ve learned over the years that If you aren’t
content being single, you won’t be content in a relationship...you have to love
and accept yourself for who you are first, before you can love an accept someone
else. You have to embrace every season to enjoy the next!
Relationships were never meant to satisfy all of
our needs, as humans we are imperfect people, so what makes you think dating
will complete you?
Only God can COMPLETE you, and if we can learn
that lesson now, our future relationships will be all the more fruitful &
we will value them more because we lived in Joy through our season of
singleness!
Use this time to hone your talents, spend time in your favorite hobbies, deepen your relationship with God, serve others, travel, etc. This is your season to grow as a person!
How are you living with joy and embracing this
season?
