To The Girl Who Struggles Making Friends

To The Girl Who Struggles Making Friends

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Skirt: Thrifted  |  Shirt: Thrifted  |  Shoes: Keds (Poshmark)  |  Purse: Thrifted (Fossil)  |  Earrings: Target (old) 

If you read the title and though “that describes me”, I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You might feel as though you are alone in this season, but you are not alone in the struggle. 

I’ve always considered myself to be one of those people who can count her close friends on ONE HAND...or maybe a few fingers (if I’m lucky, maybe in some seasons of life, two hands). However, I’m not one of those lucky people who has the same friends for their entire life. Sure, there are still a couple friends I had when I was a younger that I still stay in contact with, but my life has very much been one that encompassed the “friends for a reason & friends for a season” saying.

When I say “friends” I don’t just mean the people whose numbers are in my phone, the people who follow me on social media, or the ones I know will say hello to me when I see them in person and maybe start a conversation...it’s more than just the surface level, I know you, you know me, beyond the trivial.....friendship to me goes beyond that and is deeper.

I count more people as “acquaintances” than I do as friends, and if your someone who knows me and your reading this, please don’t be offended. I think in a world of social media and extroverts we’ve come to redefine friendship as the number of people who follow us, or who are in our phone contacts, or who we see frequently...but sometimes true friendship comes from those you don’t see frequently, but those who are their when you need them and check in on your life.

I've always been someone who struggled to make friends. When I was younger I used to think that there was just something wrong with me...that was before I knew I was an Introvert and that my difficulty with conversation and fear of meeting new people was just part of who I am. However, even though I now understand myself more and know my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to conversation and human interaction the whole "friendship" aspect of my life is still a struggle. 

I mean, gosh darn it....I will be 25 in November and I still haven't figured this thing out!  

As an introvert though, I crave and value deep and meaningful relationships that are created through connection. I want someone who will be there to listen to my deep thoughts or crazy ideas or ask how I’m doing, over wanting to just go out. Friendship in my mind is more a dance of slow intentionality rather than spontaneous events. 

I struggle making friends because I’m an introvert...and I am not using that as an excuse (because trust me, I have stretched myself a LOT this last year), but being an Introvert influences so much of my social life because I’m not naturally outgoing and it takes awhile for people to see the real me (not to mention it takes awhile for me to open up). However, I also struggle making friends because not many people take the time to get to know someone, beyond a first (or second, or third) impression...we live in a day and age where we want instant results and we think that scrolling through their Instagram feed or watching their stories gives us all the information we need...but true connection comes through authentic effort!

In all honestly, in this season of my life right now, I feel as though I have more acquaintances than real deep friendships, and while that can be frustrating at times, I am really okay with that. I am a very independent person, so unlike my Extroverted counterparts, I can easily live a happy life in my own world...however, that doesn't mean that I don't long for people who fill my life up as much as I would hope to fill theirs. 

This last year I have really put myself out there to meet new people. Was it scary? YES!!! Do I still get freaked out being around them even after 8 months? YES!!! Have I met some great people? YES!! Do I still struggle with conversations around them? YES!! However, life is about doing the things that scare you and challenging yourself to grow! I am on a journey of learning to make friends, because making friends as an adult is HARD!!! It was so much easier in high school when friendship just naturally blossomed because your paths crossed over with people who did similar things as you. 

In this season of life, I have learned that I sometimes have to reach out to others, whether it is people I have known for awhile or new people I meet. I often reach out because I know what it's like not to have someone reach out, and I never want others to feel that way. However, one downside to my Introverted INFJ personality is that I have a habit of easily walking away from friendships that are one sided...some call it the "silent door slam". And while that sounds so harsh, sometimes as people we need to make hard choices that are best for us mentally and emotionally, and that's okay. It's okay to "unfriend" people in real life or to take a step back to assess the situation. It's okay to walk away when your lives go different ways. 

So to the girl who struggles making friends, know you are not along! Know it's okay to let go of those relationships that have frayed over the years. Know it's okay to be your own friend for a season. However, never discredit the growth that comes when you challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone and do the thing that TERRIFIES you...meeting & talking to new people! 

Do you find yourself in a season like mine?

How have you challenged yourself to make friends?

- Madison

Sketch Dress / What Happened To Dressing Up?

Sketch Dress / What Happened To Dressing Up?

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Dress: Me Made  |  Shoes: Keds (Poshmark)  |  Earrings: Target  |  Purse: Marshalls

There's something so perfect about a "twirl worthy" dress! Ever since I can remember, I have always loved dresses and dressing up. I'm the person who plans her outfits around where I am going...not to make myself even more of an odd ball or anything, and my definition of "casual" doesn't fit into the vocabulary of others around me. Tell me "Oh, it's just casual dress" and I'll show up in a midi skirt, graphic T-shirt, and sneakers while everyone else is in t-shirts and jeans. I'm often one of the only people in the room wearing a dress, and I'm one of the few people who "overdresses" for church. 

After years of being the most dressed up person in most circles, I have come to just accept it and go on with my life, but that hasn't stopped me from wondering "what happened to dressing up?" What happened to people actually wearing dresses and skirts to go out instead of throwing on their "nice" t-shirt and "nice" jeans. I've always wondered what happened to our standards of dress in America, and after my travels, I have come to realize that it's apparently just part of who we are as an American society....we are laid back and casual people, and the same goes for our view of fashion in many facets of our life. 

That's one of my favorite parts about travel, is seeing what everyone is wearing and studying the fashions. I love the effortlessly chic styles of France with classic skirts, trench coats, and sneakers. I love the flowy and airy summer dresses of Rome with leather sandals and straw purses. I love the bold and fashion forward styles of London, full of diversity and color. I love how fashion can be such a voice for a society and culture, because like I always say, fashion is a language all its own. However, I can't help myself from missing the idea of "dressing up", because in today's day and age most people are not willingly going to dress up unless you tell them. The funny thing is that I always have people stop me when I am out and about and tell me how much they love what I wear, always saying something like "You know, you don't see many young ladies dressing like that now a days" and it reminds me how much our mindset of fashion has changed, and how old fashioned I still am :) I will never give up the right of dressing up, and will forever love travel all the more in that respect because I am surrounded by people who still view fashion with an eye of classic charm. 

A bit of notes on this look...this is one of my "Quarantine Creation" dresses.....i.e. I made it during Quarantine :) It has been FAR TO LONG since I have had time to "properly" sew and even longer since I have allowed myself the freedom and creativity to design. This was one of my 3rd dresses (modern dresses at least) that I made and I absolutely ADORE how it turned out. I made it from some fabric that had been in my stash for awhile. This fabric is the most unique print because it is a navy blue floral sketch, so it looks like an artists floral sketchbook and its is so pretty! The white and blue give me a lot of "classic" china vibes, while the print itself is new and modern. Apparently my new design "aesthetic" is romantic and ladylike and this dress is all of that wrapped up with a bow (literally, it has a bow). 

Aside from the dress, one of the styles I have been obsessed with lately is the pairing of sneakers with dresses, so I decided to pair this dress with my new favorite pair of white ked's sneakers, and let's just say I wore this outfit all day! 

Are you a fan of dressing up?

- Madison

Surviving & Thriving When The World Turns Upside Down

Surviving & Thriving When The World Turns Upside Down

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Dress: Me Made & Designed  |  Shoes: Thrifted (Old Navy)  |  Hat: Bought in Williamsburg

Dear Lovely reader, as I sat down to write this post, I felt myself hit a wall....I didn't know what to write about. It's so easy to go out and take pictures, but when it comes to writing a post, I often find myself torn.....do I write about fashion & style and explain my outfit or do I write about life? Writing about fashion and style is easy, but I sometimes feel inauthentic by avoiding the important topics. 

Like everyone in the world right now, you probably find yourself in a similar situation as me, stuck at home and all of your plans for the year flying out the window. Now, let me be clear on one thing, I am not complaining about the inordinate hours of time stuck at home, because home is one of my favorite places to be (where are all my Introverts at?). However, I thrive on predictability, plans, and a schedule, but with so much uncertainty in the world & social distancing in effect, life is a bit of a struggle right now, finding the balance between surviving and thriving. 

With extra time at home, I have found myself spending a LOT of time in my thoughts, reflecting on life, becoming more in tune with myself, and thinking about every little things that happens (this is both a good thing and a bad thing!). However, in the midst of sitting down to write today's post, I decided to go for authenticity and remind you that you are not the only one who feels stuck, uninspired, stressed, depressed, anxious, and uncertain during this time. 

We all find ourselves in a season of life that none of us have ever experienced before, much less a time in our world where we are all facing a situation that many of us have never dealt with. The struggle between surviving and thriving is REAL!!! Surviving might look like simply getting through your day, avoiding a panic attack, completing your to do list, actually getting dressed for the day, brushing your hair for the first time in 3 days, or maybe even just keeping a schedule. I think for so many of us right now, if you were to ask us how we are doing we might say "I'm hanging in there" or "I am just trying to survive"! In fact, I know I have giving that response to others and have heard it from many people more than once. In the midst of uncertainty we often resort to a state of survival and simply making it through this season SANE! However, in spite of our survival nature and mindset, I think we often loose so many opportunities to thrive in the midst of unplanned and uncertain season. 

My life really is in a state of "survival" right now, trying to figure out this new normal (you would think after 7 weeks I would have figured it out), but in the midst of it, I often loose sight of the opportunities I have to THRIVE! Any time we face unplanned situations, we are given an opportunity to GROW, and this season is no different! Maybe you are surviving (like me), but are you thriving? Are you making the most of this season to grow as a person and use this precious time to pursue things that will pour into your life? 

At the beginning of this year, if you asked me if there was one thing I could change about my life, I would have probably said "I wish I had more time" and lo and behold, who knew that this year would turn upside down so drastically and that the one thing I always often wished for would be granted. Now, I don't know what situation or season you find yourself in, maybe for you, everything that is going on in the world actually means you have less time....I know we all find ourselves in different places. However, I do think if anything, we have been given the time to re-prioritize our lives, refocus our energies, create new schedules, or work on things we had often put aside. 

In this season, while I have still been putting in time as a teacher (via online learning) I have also found myself with extra time in my schedule to work on projects I had so often put aside due to lack of time. While life might seem like survival many days, I have been trying to develop a mindset of THRIVING! Thriving will most likely look different for all of us, but thriving has the same outcome in all of our lives, thriving means developing a positive outlook in spite of uncertainty and using every opportunity to grow as a person, despite the hard days. 

Thriving might mean pursuing your passions you had long abandoned. Thriving might mean learning more about yourself and getting in touch with your emotions and taking time for self care. Thriving might mean you give yourself the freedom to dream the dreams you once thought were impossible? Thriving might simply look like creating a schedule for your life. Maybe thriving is continuing to build relationships with others around you, or getting outside of your comfort zone to do something new? 

Thriving looks different for us all, but it is vitally IMPORTANT to develop a mindset that allows us to make the most of every opportunity & approach this uncertain and unprecedented time in our lives and world with a renewed outlook and optimism. When we are thriving, we are automatically surviving, but if our only goal is to survive, are we giving ourselves the space to thrive? 

This post is as much a pep talk for myself, as it is an encouragement to you, in reminding you that we are all in this together, and we can all thrive together, in the midst of our automatic survival mode. 

What has been the hardest part of Social Distancing for you?

Where do you find yourself, are you surviving or thriving?

- Madison