To The Girl Who Struggles Making Friends

To The Girl Who Struggles Making Friends

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Skirt: Thrifted  |  Shirt: Thrifted  |  Shoes: Keds (Poshmark)  |  Purse: Thrifted (Fossil)  |  Earrings: Target (old) 

If you read the title and though “that describes me”, I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You might feel as though you are alone in this season, but you are not alone in the struggle. 

I’ve always considered myself to be one of those people who can count her close friends on ONE HAND...or maybe a few fingers (if I’m lucky, maybe in some seasons of life, two hands). However, I’m not one of those lucky people who has the same friends for their entire life. Sure, there are still a couple friends I had when I was a younger that I still stay in contact with, but my life has very much been one that encompassed the “friends for a reason & friends for a season” saying.

When I say “friends” I don’t just mean the people whose numbers are in my phone, the people who follow me on social media, or the ones I know will say hello to me when I see them in person and maybe start a conversation...it’s more than just the surface level, I know you, you know me, beyond the trivial.....friendship to me goes beyond that and is deeper.

I count more people as “acquaintances” than I do as friends, and if your someone who knows me and your reading this, please don’t be offended. I think in a world of social media and extroverts we’ve come to redefine friendship as the number of people who follow us, or who are in our phone contacts, or who we see frequently...but sometimes true friendship comes from those you don’t see frequently, but those who are their when you need them and check in on your life.

I've always been someone who struggled to make friends. When I was younger I used to think that there was just something wrong with me...that was before I knew I was an Introvert and that my difficulty with conversation and fear of meeting new people was just part of who I am. However, even though I now understand myself more and know my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to conversation and human interaction the whole "friendship" aspect of my life is still a struggle. 

I mean, gosh darn it....I will be 25 in November and I still haven't figured this thing out!  

As an introvert though, I crave and value deep and meaningful relationships that are created through connection. I want someone who will be there to listen to my deep thoughts or crazy ideas or ask how I’m doing, over wanting to just go out. Friendship in my mind is more a dance of slow intentionality rather than spontaneous events. 

I struggle making friends because I’m an introvert...and I am not using that as an excuse (because trust me, I have stretched myself a LOT this last year), but being an Introvert influences so much of my social life because I’m not naturally outgoing and it takes awhile for people to see the real me (not to mention it takes awhile for me to open up). However, I also struggle making friends because not many people take the time to get to know someone, beyond a first (or second, or third) impression...we live in a day and age where we want instant results and we think that scrolling through their Instagram feed or watching their stories gives us all the information we need...but true connection comes through authentic effort!

In all honestly, in this season of my life right now, I feel as though I have more acquaintances than real deep friendships, and while that can be frustrating at times, I am really okay with that. I am a very independent person, so unlike my Extroverted counterparts, I can easily live a happy life in my own world...however, that doesn't mean that I don't long for people who fill my life up as much as I would hope to fill theirs. 

This last year I have really put myself out there to meet new people. Was it scary? YES!!! Do I still get freaked out being around them even after 8 months? YES!!! Have I met some great people? YES!! Do I still struggle with conversations around them? YES!! However, life is about doing the things that scare you and challenging yourself to grow! I am on a journey of learning to make friends, because making friends as an adult is HARD!!! It was so much easier in high school when friendship just naturally blossomed because your paths crossed over with people who did similar things as you. 

In this season of life, I have learned that I sometimes have to reach out to others, whether it is people I have known for awhile or new people I meet. I often reach out because I know what it's like not to have someone reach out, and I never want others to feel that way. However, one downside to my Introverted INFJ personality is that I have a habit of easily walking away from friendships that are one sided...some call it the "silent door slam". And while that sounds so harsh, sometimes as people we need to make hard choices that are best for us mentally and emotionally, and that's okay. It's okay to "unfriend" people in real life or to take a step back to assess the situation. It's okay to walk away when your lives go different ways. 

So to the girl who struggles making friends, know you are not along! Know it's okay to let go of those relationships that have frayed over the years. Know it's okay to be your own friend for a season. However, never discredit the growth that comes when you challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone and do the thing that TERRIFIES you...meeting & talking to new people! 

Do you find yourself in a season like mine?

How have you challenged yourself to make friends?

- Madison

Surviving & Thriving When The World Turns Upside Down

Surviving & Thriving When The World Turns Upside Down

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Dress: Me Made & Designed  |  Shoes: Thrifted (Old Navy)  |  Hat: Bought in Williamsburg

Dear Lovely reader, as I sat down to write this post, I felt myself hit a wall....I didn't know what to write about. It's so easy to go out and take pictures, but when it comes to writing a post, I often find myself torn.....do I write about fashion & style and explain my outfit or do I write about life? Writing about fashion and style is easy, but I sometimes feel inauthentic by avoiding the important topics. 

Like everyone in the world right now, you probably find yourself in a similar situation as me, stuck at home and all of your plans for the year flying out the window. Now, let me be clear on one thing, I am not complaining about the inordinate hours of time stuck at home, because home is one of my favorite places to be (where are all my Introverts at?). However, I thrive on predictability, plans, and a schedule, but with so much uncertainty in the world & social distancing in effect, life is a bit of a struggle right now, finding the balance between surviving and thriving. 

With extra time at home, I have found myself spending a LOT of time in my thoughts, reflecting on life, becoming more in tune with myself, and thinking about every little things that happens (this is both a good thing and a bad thing!). However, in the midst of sitting down to write today's post, I decided to go for authenticity and remind you that you are not the only one who feels stuck, uninspired, stressed, depressed, anxious, and uncertain during this time. 

We all find ourselves in a season of life that none of us have ever experienced before, much less a time in our world where we are all facing a situation that many of us have never dealt with. The struggle between surviving and thriving is REAL!!! Surviving might look like simply getting through your day, avoiding a panic attack, completing your to do list, actually getting dressed for the day, brushing your hair for the first time in 3 days, or maybe even just keeping a schedule. I think for so many of us right now, if you were to ask us how we are doing we might say "I'm hanging in there" or "I am just trying to survive"! In fact, I know I have giving that response to others and have heard it from many people more than once. In the midst of uncertainty we often resort to a state of survival and simply making it through this season SANE! However, in spite of our survival nature and mindset, I think we often loose so many opportunities to thrive in the midst of unplanned and uncertain season. 

My life really is in a state of "survival" right now, trying to figure out this new normal (you would think after 7 weeks I would have figured it out), but in the midst of it, I often loose sight of the opportunities I have to THRIVE! Any time we face unplanned situations, we are given an opportunity to GROW, and this season is no different! Maybe you are surviving (like me), but are you thriving? Are you making the most of this season to grow as a person and use this precious time to pursue things that will pour into your life? 

At the beginning of this year, if you asked me if there was one thing I could change about my life, I would have probably said "I wish I had more time" and lo and behold, who knew that this year would turn upside down so drastically and that the one thing I always often wished for would be granted. Now, I don't know what situation or season you find yourself in, maybe for you, everything that is going on in the world actually means you have less time....I know we all find ourselves in different places. However, I do think if anything, we have been given the time to re-prioritize our lives, refocus our energies, create new schedules, or work on things we had often put aside. 

In this season, while I have still been putting in time as a teacher (via online learning) I have also found myself with extra time in my schedule to work on projects I had so often put aside due to lack of time. While life might seem like survival many days, I have been trying to develop a mindset of THRIVING! Thriving will most likely look different for all of us, but thriving has the same outcome in all of our lives, thriving means developing a positive outlook in spite of uncertainty and using every opportunity to grow as a person, despite the hard days. 

Thriving might mean pursuing your passions you had long abandoned. Thriving might mean learning more about yourself and getting in touch with your emotions and taking time for self care. Thriving might mean you give yourself the freedom to dream the dreams you once thought were impossible? Thriving might simply look like creating a schedule for your life. Maybe thriving is continuing to build relationships with others around you, or getting outside of your comfort zone to do something new? 

Thriving looks different for us all, but it is vitally IMPORTANT to develop a mindset that allows us to make the most of every opportunity & approach this uncertain and unprecedented time in our lives and world with a renewed outlook and optimism. When we are thriving, we are automatically surviving, but if our only goal is to survive, are we giving ourselves the space to thrive? 

This post is as much a pep talk for myself, as it is an encouragement to you, in reminding you that we are all in this together, and we can all thrive together, in the midst of our automatic survival mode. 

What has been the hardest part of Social Distancing for you?

Where do you find yourself, are you surviving or thriving?

- Madison

My First Year of Teaching + Q&A

My First Year of Teaching + Q&A

Monday, June 10, 2019

WOW....where has the time gone! One minute I was starting my first day of my first year as a teacher and then next thing I know I finished my first year teaching!

If you thought I had dropped off the face of the earth (due to my absence from the blog) this is where I have been....in the classroom. At the beginning of the semester I thought I would be able to balance teaching and blogging, but blogging quickly took a back seat as teaching became priority and all my time went into creating lessons or re-charging/sleeping. 

Needless to say life has been CRAZY......but a good crazy! I used to think college was the craziest time of my life, but teaching has definitely beat that! 

I truly don't think I have been more exhausted in my life! From early mornings to busy days it has definitely been an adjustment for this Introvert but I have loved every minute of it. 

It is definitely different having my own classroom where I am in charge, get to make the rules, and teach every day. My students constantly amaze me with their whit, humor, crazy antics, brilliant brains, nuggets of advice and laughter.
I feel like I could write PAGES on everything that happened my first year of teaching, but I wanted to fill all of you wonderful readers in on this new chapter of my life! On a quick note though, if you do want to read more of my thoughts on teaching I did create a teacher blog called The Frizzle File.

If i were to say one thing about my first year I would definitely say that it was everything I thought and at the same time so much more than I ever imagined. There were definitely hard days, but there were so many amazing days as well. There were so many tough moments, while also so many moments that made everything worth it!

I got some questions about teaching from people on Instagram and thought I would take some time to answer them here:

1) What was something that surprised you about teaching?

I think there were definitely so many things that surprised me! You hear so many stories about teaching, but it doesn't become real until you become a teacher yourself. I was definitely surprised by how quickly I grew to love all of my students. I think so many of the things were less of a "surprise" and more so a confirmation of why teaching is so important and a rewarding profession. I was reminded of how important building relationships with students is and also how important it is to see students for who they are and encourage them to reach their full potential. 

2) What was the hardest part about teaching?

I think as an Introvert there are days where teaching is harder for me than other people. However, the hardest part about teaching is definitely dealing with conflicts within the classroom between students, or students not respecting your class, rules or methods. Thankfully I didn't have to deal with to many serious issues, but seeing students wrestle through their own battles (be it with friends, family, or life) is always tough. 

3) What is one thing that is different than expected?

I don't think I really expected to generally look forward to school every day, even on the tough days.I didn't expect to be this EXHAUSTED, but knowing my personality as an introvert it makes since...I seriously have not been this exhausted ever in my life! I also didn't expect to grow so much as a person. I was also blessed to be working at an incredible school and daily be surrounded by amazing people who really support each other as well as having some of the best administration and specialists who let me try new things and support me taking risks. 

4) What did you have to major in to teach the class you do?

I majored in "Family and Consumer Science" (what was previously known as Home Economics) and minored in Education. I got a major in the actual classes that I teach, but most Family and Consumer Science teachers often get alternate certification to teach our classes. When you are certified in FACS you can teach close to 15 different classes that all have specific career paths for students and are honestly really fun to teach! 

5) What are the best ways to stay organized?

I teeter between being very organized and not organized what so ever....it's more so organized chaos as I see it, but my students all think my room is very organized. When it comes to my classroom everything has a specific place and I Label EVERYTHING so that we always know where things are or where they go. I also like to use color coding to help me keep all of my many classes organized and keep track of student work. I have a planner that I try to keep updated with my plans, but often times I end of putting things into my phone calendar so that I get reminders. 

Also...I would be LOST without sticky notes...I seriously use them all the time and they help me stay on task & remember what I am supposed to do. 

6) Are the rumors true about how much the after school work affects your personal life?

Yes & No :) Honestly, if you are an organized person and take the time in the summer to plan things out you will not have to worry about so much outside planning during the year. However, a teachers job honestly doesn't stop at the end of the school day. I did work on lesson plans and activities most nights and weekends (but I also had 4 different classes I was teaching). Also, I don't have as much of a personal life as some people...lol...so it didn't affect it do drastically. I think this is where being organized is important and making sure you have things planned ahead of time. I think you have to remember what you can control, and the amount of after school work is definitely something you can have the ability to control, so be aware of that and know when you need a break. 

7) Do you have to deal with all the gossip and drama as a secondary school teacher?

Yes, but again, you get to control what you surround yourself with. The negativity, gossip, and drama are always a part of any school atmosphere, but you don't have to be a part of it. Thankfully my classroom is in a hallway at the back of the school so I honestly don't come into contact with a lot of teachers outside of my team every day, plus I never go to the teachers lounge. I am a pretty positive person and I like staying upbeat about things, so I never like putting myself in a position to be surrounded by negativity. 

9) How is it being an introvert and a teacher with kids who have a lot of energy?

It is definitely draining! At the end of every day I am always drained and exhausted and usually come home and rest for 1-2 hours. So yes, being an introvert teacher around energy filled kids can be crazy at times, but it also is amazing. As an introvert we have the ability to sense things in others that not everyone can see, so I am always able to tell things about my students such as their mood, their personality, and my favorite...their potential! While being a teacher puts me in an environment that triggers my weaknesses as an introvert every day, it also allows me to draw upon the strengths of my personality & I truly think that Introverts have superpowers as teachers! 

Do you have more questions about teaching? Leave them in the comments below! 

- Madison

Unlikely Connections

Unlikely Connections

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Do you ever look back on seasons of your life and people you met there thinking "there is no way we would have ever met, gotten to know each other or have ever been friends if it hadn't been for ________" ? 

As an Introvert (not that I am making excuses, it is just a fact of my personality) it is often hard for us to make connections with other people, to get to know them, grow together in a common goal, and have healthy comradery. This is often the case because we don't willingly put ourselves in public or group situations that warrant us opening up, getting to know strangers with similar interests, and grow together with like minded people who all encourage each other. 

Throughout my life I have never stretched myself to be in settings with lots of people, mainly because I don't like large groups or new things....unless there is no getting out of something and it is required. When that is that case I might enter into the situation apprehensive, slightly negative minded, and might not think I will grow or come out better for it. However, sometimes life (and God) has a way of surprising me and showing me that there is more to who I am and more to people when I let myself get to know them and open up about something I am passionate about. 

As many of you know, I majored in Family and Consumer Science, but my minor was in Education (I am starting my first year of teaching in the fall). However, if you are not familiar with how many University Education programs work, you often go through a semester or more of education classes before starting your student teaching (at least that was the case at my University). 

Every university is different when it comes to how they present classes, but when I took all of my main education classes it was during the spring of 2017 and it was called Methods. During this time I took I think 3-4 different education classes taught by two teachers (one a doctor and one a professor) in a classroom at a high school (where we completed field experience) along with about 15 other education students. We met two days a week for 4 hours. That might not seem like much, but after you get to the High school at 7:00 am two days a week and have field experience until about 12:30 and then meet with 15 other people for 4 hours it's hard not to get close with those people. 

Going into Methods I had no clue what to expect, and I most certainly didn't know what to expect in regards to a classroom of strangers who wanted to become teachers. However, throughout those spring months we didn't just learn how to be amazing teachers, but we talked about what we saw in classrooms, our highs, our lows, our challenges, our dreams, taught lessons to our peers, worked on group projects, went to seminars, ate lunch together, you name it! 

I remember our two teachers (the Doctor and Professor, both of whom impacted me greatly themselves, as talked about here) telling us that the people around us (taking methods) were the only people who would know exactly what we were going through, and would go through in the future, therefore making them very important in our life. I can't tell you how that spring changed my perspective of Interpersonal Relationships and being open to getting to know new people. We shared many jokes and funny stories in that class, we celebrated with each other when great things happened, we carpooled places, met up for lunch, it was crazy (in my mind) but amazing! Getting to know the group of people in that classroom two days a week helped me grow as a person! I learned to be confident in myself around people, to start conversations, encourage others, get to know what made each of them unique, and look to them for advice, critique, and encouragement.

The crazy thing is that I think for the first time in my life I was in a situation where my "peers" noticed me.......I know that sounds weird, but so often I have a tendency to fade into the background, wishing to be invisible rather than seen (sometimes it is my doing and sometimes it is others), but in that class I was seen and people openly chose to get to know me as a person and future teacher. The funniest thing is that because the class was focused on something I was passionate about I was actually SUPER talkative and interactive (shocker, I know)!! One day one of the guys even looked at me and asked "are you doing okay today, because you seem quiet, not like the typical Madison." I had to laugh at his statement because most of the people in the class didn't know me as a quiet introvert, and I looked at him with a laugh and said "This is actually the typical Madison, you just don't see it in class often." 

Those group of fellow Education students and future teachers became so special to me during that spring semester, which was my next to last semester of college. The cool thing is that after our semester and class ended, because of the connections we made most of us stayed in contact. Many of us follow each other on Facebook, keeping up to date with each others lives, and even the next semester when we had to go to meetings and seminars for student teaching we would always make a point to grab lunch together (it was like a big family reunion). I never in my life thought I would meet a large group of people I could be comfortable with, get to know on a mature level, converse with, laugh at, eat lunch with, and know that they understood what you were going through because you had all been there and knew what the other experienced. We may not all be Best Friends, but that spring taught me that people have the capacity for being more than you think. We all have the ability to connect with strangers we never thought we had anything in common with and create bonds that could last forever. 

So I challenge you, whether it is willingly putting yourself into a situation that is new and maybe uncomfortable or entering into something that you don't have a choice about, going into it with an open mind because you never know how much you could grow, how much you could learn from others or the relationships and unlikely connections that could be created there. 

- Madison

Teacher Style: How Being an Introvert Helps me be a better Teacher

Teacher Style: How Being an Introvert Helps me be a better Teacher

Monday, April 23, 2018

Skirt: Thrifted | Shirt: Forever 21 | Shoes: Charlotte Ruse | Bag: Target | Earrings: Forever 21

I don't think I first realized when I chose Education as my minor how hard it would be for me to work up the courage to be in a classroom with students and interact with other teachers? Sometimes, as an Introvert I tent to hide behind my personality, making it a barrier that keeps me from taking risks and getting outside of my comfort zone, and with that I often loose the opportunity to grow. Just being in college, going to class every day, and being an RA was a stretch, but I learned how to survive as an Introvert and even thrive in the midst of uncomfortable and hard situations. 

Being an Introvert is powerful, but it can often times become an excuse or a crutch to some (myself included). It takes more courage, pep talks, and deep breaths on my end to achieve something that others can easily go and do in the blink of an eye without thinking about all the people, factors, etc. As an Introvert I have a unique since of the world, but I also have a hightened awareness for everything that is going on and working out the logistics for things ahead of time.......It can be a blessing and a curse:)

Someone on Instagram recently asked me if I had any tips for being an INFJ and a teacher and I thought I would take her up on explaining what I have learned along this crazy and amazing journey!

As a teacher (substitute and future teacher) being an Introvert is my biggest strength, but also my biggest weakness......I know, that is contradictory (but INFJ's as people are constantly a contradiction already). I say this because through being an Introvert (specifically an INFJ) I have a unique since of my surroundings and how I see the world. As an INFJ I am titled as an "advocate" because we see things in the world we want to fix, latch onto something in order to change how things are done, and seek to make a difference by inspiring others....that is an INFJ's inspiration for life, but also what makes a GREAT teacher. However, being an Introvert means we can be drained by people, business/stress of life,and confrontation.....also in the job description of being a teacher. 

Thus, being an Introvert can be one of my biggest strengths because I am passionate, want to engage and inspire students, pour positivity into their life and constantly think outside of the box to get students involved. Not only that, but many Introverts and INFJ's are Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP). I wouldn't necessarily call myself a 100% HSP, but I definitely fall into the 50% range. With this I am often hyper aware to things that are happening, the way people are feeling, and notice things that others disregard. As a teacher I have learned that I often notice the quiet students on a daily basis. Maybe it is because I can relate to them (I was them in school) or maybe I see them as having untapped potential that no one knows about. I always notice the kids walking in the hallways holding books, the kid who sits in the corner of the classroom working alone, and the students who are wrapped up in their own world of art and stories, blocking out the loud kids around them. I often call these students "the invisible" because I don't think many other students or teachers notice them or their uniqueness, but I love that I know who they are without even talking to them. Being an INFJ is a strength because I see how I can change a classroom, student ideas, perspective, work ethic and engagement, and when I get freedom in classrooms that is exactly what I try to do. However, being an Introvert as a teacher can also be one of my biggest weaknesses!

I don't necessarily say that it is a weakness that cripples me with fear and inadequacies which keep me from being successful, but it takes soooooo much more work and courage on my end to put into practice all of my ideas and engage with students and teachers. The teaching comes naturally, but the courage takes some work (and pep talks & LOTS of prayer). I also internalize EVERYTHING....all of my emotions so I can easily develop anxiety and tension in my shoulders that doesn't make life fun. I remember when I first started my Methods internship before student teaching (I was in a classroom with higschoolers 2 days a week) and I had to learn to walk through the hallway of crowded students, greet them at the door, interact with them, and positively keep them on task. I had to kind of learn to be an authority figure, but in a good way, and that took some work. That semester was hard, because I had to learn to stay confident (or at least look confident) around high schoolers and teachers (even if I might be kind of freaking out on the inside). However, that feeling didn't last forever! Once I got to know the students and teachers it got easier. The same can be said about my student teaching. This time I was in the classroom with students Monday - Friday. The first week at each of my placements took some getting used to, and took copious amounts of courage and deep breaths, but after the first week I found my place. I made connections with students and they began to accept me, and I was blessed by amazing mentor teachers who encouraged me and made me feel like I belonged! While the teaching atmosphere isn't always the most comfortable for me, I have to remember I didn't necessarily choose teaching for my own comfort, but rather because of the opportunities I have with students. 

As I moved out of student teaching, graduated, and started subbing I tackled a new challenge in being the TRUE authority figure and teacher in the classroom. Many times I subbed for my past mentor teachers so I knew the students, but sometimes I was walking into unfamiliar classrooms with students who were strangers. Subbing was definitely more of a challenge as an Introvert because I had no mentor teacher to lean on and guide me, it was me and a class full of students. It could be hard at times. but through my time in methods and student teaching I had experience and knew my potential. I knew I could be the cool, welcoming, nice teacher, who could enforce classroom management, but I could also be someone to lay down the rules and walk around the room keeping kids on task.

Teaching and subbing as an Introvert (and INFJ) is hard because many times the situations I find myself in go against what my mind wants to be comfortable. I have to STRETCH and CHALLENGE myself every time I get in my car to drive to a job or step into a classroom and being around that many people can be draining (so when I get home I usually hide away in my room for an hour). Despite the challenges it can bring up, it has made me a stronger person. So yes, being a Introvert can be a weakness, but when it comes to what truly matters at times it is my biggest strength and I don't think I would change it! 

Are you a teacher?

What is your biggest challenge as a teacher?

Can you relate to any of the things I have learned?

-Madison 

The Art of Saying No

The Art of Saying No

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Do you ever feel the pressure to please people but at the same time stick to a schedule that works for you and flows with adequate time to get everything accomplished?

With the way my life has been changing lately (graduating college, working part time, subbing, studying, etc.) I have started to feel the weight and pressure of overbooking myself, agreeing to do to much, wanting to help everyone, and still have time to get done what I need to do in my own life to help my family and study to pass my certification tests.....not to mention my own personal sanity and getting enough sleep. 

I have always been someone who could easily say "NO" when it came to things that went against what I believed, didn't see as right, or were to overwhelming for my introverted personality. Believe me, if you call me and want me to be somewhere or doe something in an hour I will probably say no because that is to short of notice. However, I am also a person who likes to be "helpful"....... I love helping people out, especially if I am the only one available to help them (or that is what they make it sound like). So often times even if I don't really want to do something I say yes because I feel guilty or think I have to. I think this comes from my desire as an "advocate" (INFJ) to find or help a cause.....sometimes I like to be needed. However, this comes with it's share of downsides..........one being that I sometimes find it hard to say NO. 

I HATE to hurt peoples feelings, and I hate letting people down. If someone asks me to do something I always want to help them, a lot of times I will gladly say "YES" especially if they seem like they are in a tight spot. However, sometimes this comes at a cost to my schedule and time. Since I am currently trying to study to pass my two certification tests as well as help my family out with my responsibilities, I have to think about the time I devote to each, in relation to the other things I agree to. 

Saying NO is sometimes hard for me because I feel like I am letting people down (and I don't like disappointing people). In the past when people have made assumptions about me or said something in regards to my character that wasn't true I sometimes take it personally......its part of my nature. But I often loose sight of the fact that it hardly ever is true, and I can't let what others think of me determine the decision I make. I can't let others possible disappointment determine my agreeing to something that I don't have time for. My mom has a saying "What's good isn't always what's best" and I have learned recently that this needs to become a motto for my life:) 

For years I have always been known to tell my friends "It's okay to say NO" (because that is another thing my mom has always said to me) and now that I am put in positions where I have to make decisions based off of my desire to help people and my need to also do what is best for my life and schedule, I realize that I kind of need to start taking my own advice. However, saying NO sometimes takes practice. You know that scene in 27 Dresses where Kevin gives Jane a lesson on saying NO (because she always agrees to to much out of her desire to help everyone which comes at a detriment to her time, emotions, and schedule)..... that's what I have been trying to practice. 

Obviously I am not sharing this to say that we need to just go around saying "NO" to everyone and everything, but the art of saying NO comes with our realization of making choices and decisions based on what is BEST. Often we make decisions quickly without thinking through all the options and logistics in regards to not only what we are being asked, but also in regards to our life. In order to make "wise" decisions and learn to say NO when need be, I have started to ask myself questions:

Do I really have time in my schedule to add this? 

If I agree to this will I still have time to complete my other tasks and responsibilities? 

Will it be a detriment to my health, sanity, and sleep?  

Will this benefit me in any way?

Do I have other plans this week that take up a good bit of time?

Am I their only option or do they have other people they can ask?

Sometimes saying NO means making a hard decision for the right reasons. The more we commit to and say "yes" to the more our schedule gets busy and time gets away from us which inadvertently leads to stress, which isn't good! I have learned that I have to let go of worrying about what the other person will think because if I agree to more than I can handle I am not doing myself any favors. In some instances saying NO can be easy, but often times it is hard when another person(s) is involved. However, at the end of the day we have to remember "what's good isn't always what's best," take a breath, say NO, and move on. 

Do you struggle with saying NO?
How have you learned to say NO?

-Madison

My 20 Tips for college success

My 20 Tips for college success

Monday, November 20, 2017

1. Be PREPARED but be FLEXIBLE: As much as I would like it to be, life isn't perfect, and as much as I frugaly plan things ahead of time they don't always go according to plan. Being prepared and planning ahead helps me not to be stressed or get anxious, but I also realize that things don't always go according to plan so I have to be flexible when things dont work out or go my way. 
2. Your Planner is your best friend: Visualizing my daily schedule helps me stay on track and writing out my class schedule and events in my planner help me make mental notes and see what all is happening in my life. With everything you are cramming into your mind in college you barely have room to keep a mental schedule. 
3. Don't study past 10:00 pm: I think I am the only one who feels this way, but after 9:00pm my mind usually shuts down and no matter what I do I won't be able to focus, study or remember things. I would always try to get my work or studying done earliar in the day, and with this approach I was able to go to be earlier or could spend my evening relaxing or reading a book. 
4. Manage your time wisely: This goes back to making sure you know what is happening every day and planning extra activities around it. I knew so many people who would immediately agree to hang out with friends or go somewhere forgetting they had to study for a test, or thinking it wouldn't take that long. Studying should be first priority and taking extra time with friends or for outings should be second.....it's already in my nature and personality to say No when I have work to do, but there were times that I had to make a bigger effort. 
5. Take a break: This is VITAL to your sanity! If you are in the midst of a major study session and feeling totally overwhelmed take a break! This can be as simple as getting up to make a cup of coffee or listen to music, but it's even better to get up and go on a walk, jump up and down, do some yoga, or whatever else will help you refocus and relieve stress.  
6. Set an alarm and wake up every morning: I knew to many people who would sleep their life away at college. Okay, so yes, college is tiring and yes there will be some late nights, but if you manage your time you should be getting a decent amount of sleep, and I hate waking up late because I feel like I have lost so much of my day. Therefore, the best way to start your day off right is to actually set an alarm for a decent time (no later than 8:30) and faithfully wake up every day. This starts your morning off productive. 
7. Find what makes you confident and LIVE IT: College is a world full of stress, pressures, and overwhelming lifestyles, so in the midst of the craziness you still need the ability to feel confident. For me, my confidance came through my style, because my style is self expression of my personality. Maybe yours is something different? Whatever it is, find what make you confident and faithfully live it every day! 
8. Don't let yourself become someone else: I saw to many people change in college. I saw people become different people to fit into a certain friend group, I saw girls compromise their values and beliefs to make it into a group or organization, and I saw people easily let go of living their faith because it wasn't considered cool. 
9. Find a friend who supports you: Having someone who is there for you, who understands you and supports you is what will help you succeed and get through the hard times. I don't know what I would have done without my college roommate, because we both helped each other when times got tough. 
10. Get connected: I think this was the hardest part for me in college, but once I got connected with my staff team through being an RA and also joining an amazing small group college definitely felt different. I am definitely not someone who needs a place to belong, but it was great having people around you who understood what you were dealing with and who could support you. The best thing I ever did was start attending Chi Alpha which was a weekly worship night/Bible study that definitely helped me connect with God and other believers more. 
11. Pick a night each week to have fun: As an introvert I loved staying in my room with a pint of icecream and a good movie, but most nights you are busy studying so make sure to set aside one night each week to have fun. When I say have fun I don't mean go crazy (that was everyone else in my house and on campus) but I mean this in saying that when everyone else goes out dancing or goes to the bar on Thursday nights you stay in and have your own party, invite a friend over for a movie, paint your nails, do a craft, etc.....you need to take personal time for yourself! 
12. Have something to look forward to every day: for me this was a project, getting done with a test, making a bulletin board, creating door decks, or even just brewing a cup of coffee. 
13. Set reminders on your phones: YOU WILL THANK ME LATER!!!
14. Leave extra early for class: It might seem ridiculous, but trust me, if you leave early for class and then get there only to realize you forgot your calculator for the chemistry test you will still have plenty of time to run back to your room and won't be nearly as stressed as you would if you had left five minutes before class:) TRUST ME! 
15. Always bring a book with you: This is what I call my "Rory Gilmore moment" because she always brought a book with her everywhere and I loved that! In college I would always carry a book with me and read a few chapters as I was waiting for class to start. 
16. Set a weekly schedule: When I say set a schedule I mean know when your classes are and plan your life around them accordingly. My college bestie and I had a set schedule every week of always meeting on certain days for lunch, going to yoga on Tuesday nights, and attending Bible study on Thursdays.
17. Find your stress relief....yoga, running, reading, drinking tea, etc. 
18. Your room is your home, so make it homy! I had banners, an entire gallery wall, Christmas lights, rugs, flowers, you name it in my room and people always commented on how cute and cozy it was! That was my whole purpose in decorating it how I did, was to make it cheery and inviting since I spent so much time there:) 
19. Never say no to opportunities & believe in yourself! .....because you never know if the person you meet ends up being your best friend, or the job you apply for ends up being the best thing that happened to you or that you are able to accomplish more than you ever thought you would! 
20. Coffee is your best friend (at least for me and 95% of all other college students)! 

- Madison 

The Decision That Changed My College Experience Forever

The Decision That Changed My College Experience Forever

Monday, November 13, 2017

Shirt: c/o Four:Eight Shop

Skirt: The Skirtery 

Everyone goes into college with ideas of what it will be like. Sometimes those ideas are lofty and far reaching into great achievements, new friend groups, on campus organizations, and a boat load of fun. However, I was never one of those typical college bound girls....my ideas of what college would be like consisted of classes, studies, projects, surviving without my family, traveling home on the weekend, the uncertainty of new friends, and no real desire to get connected with on campus happenings or Thursday night shenanigans. Nevertheless, college proved to be so much more than I had imagined. Not so much in the way of it being to much to handle, but rather that God had another plan of what he wanted me to accomplish in an unfamiliar place and boy is he the craziest!

If you have been around here for awhile you probably can recall me mentioning that I was an RA (Resident Advisor) while at college. I got the job half way into my second semester and kept it up until my last semester of college (this fall) when I moved home for my student teaching. However, while that might not seem like that big of a deal to you, it was a HUGE deal to me because I never could have foreseen getting a job on campus, and much less being in charge of students who lived on campus.....the whole timeline and occurrence was truly ordained and destines by God to grow me in more ways than I could have known and put me in the midst of the biggest opportunity for witness I had ever experienced!

I still remember the day I received the email which said "We are pleased to offer you a Resident Advisor position beginning immediately!" And while getting the job wasn't all that much of a shock it was the process that was CRAZY! You see I randomly decided that I should apply for an RA position on campus (I think I just took a leap of faith and didn't even know what I was doing) which meant submitting an application and going through two rounds of interviews which included a panel interview with 3 people and a group interview for half a day (that in itself was not a typical Madison thing to do...talking to people I didn't know.....WHAT!). If that didn't push me out of my element enough, the fact that I immediately got one of the vacant mid semester openings a week later did.....oh, and did I mention that my RA placement was in a sorority house (insert wide eyed and shocked face emoji here)!

Here is the background on all of this:

1) I was (and still am) the person who didn't understand the need for sororities. I thought they were a waste of money, changed and conformed girls, sometimes put them in bad situations, and thought the idea of hand signs and chants was bit ridiculous. 

2) The RA positions I was interviewing for were for the next spring, but I was offered a position to start IMMEDIATELY which meant skipping all the training that new RA's typically go through to prepare them for the job and just being thrown into the midst of it! 

Now that you know a few facts, you can see how getting the job and then finding out where my job would be were all HUGE surprises and pure humor on God's part. So after completing my paperwork I started the job, which in itself had a lot of responsibilities, but responsibilities that nonetheless helped me grow:

RA Job Responsibilities:

1) Hold daily office hours.

2) Enforce the university rules and policies and make sure all resident follow them. If they fail to do so you are required to document and/or fine them based on the policies broken. 

3) Attend staff meeting ever week and all staff meetings once a month. 

4) Plan events with your staff team for all of the residents in your area. 

5) Complete rounds on your assigned night(s) with another RA. Rounds consist of walking through ever house in your area (our area had 8 houses....4 of them were sorority houses), both upstairs and downstairs. Rounds during your assigned shift were at 9:00pm and 12:00am. 

6) Respond to any calls on the duty phone while you were on call (this means 2:00 am phone calls about broken toilets).

7) While on call you must report any major policy violations (drugs or alcohol) or unsafe situations to the University Police, wait for them to arrive on scene, and stay close by to write a report. 

8) Handle roommate, suite mate, or resident complaints and disagreements. 

9) Complete safety and maintenance checks every month within your house. 

10) Hold floor meetings two times a semester for residents to go over policies and checkout procedures. 
11) Make fun and creative door decks with your residents name every month
12) Design and make a fun and creative bulletin board for your house every month. 
#11 & #12 were my personal favorite parts of being an RA :) 

Maybe you are still curious about how this decision changed my college experience forever? Here's the thing, getting the job as an RA put me in a place where I was daily outside of my comfort zone. I was no longer just the random college girl who lived two doors down, I was the RA of the house and knew all 25 girls who lived under my roof. I had to daily challenge myself to say hi to my resident, talk to my co-workers, and acknowledge the many faces I now knew.

Not only that, but I joined a staff team, surrounded by over 9 people that I didn't know, and for this introvert that was something I never had worked through before. I had to learn to work with new people, get to know them, plan events with them, back them up when they were on call, ask for help when need be, express my opinions, and at the same time be completely different than everyone else around me. I don't think I ever expected to know that many people at college, but after becoming an RA I not only knew people on my staff team, but I got to know other RA's who worked across campus.

I no longer walked to class seeing faces I didn't recognize or know, because I now actually knew people.....by name (I think my mom is still shocked by this). I knew my fellow staff members, my residents, and even my team members residents. I actually hung out with people other than my ONE friend at college because as an RA we would have "staff bonding" days, dinners, all staff events with all the RA's on campus, and random grocery store runs.

With all of that being said, I still today believe that this all happened for ONE reason! God ordained this to do something in me that I never would have allowed him to do otherwise. He ordained it to STRETCH my introvert self beyond my limits, instill the confidence in myself that I really could do hard things, gave me the courage and strength to talk to new people, the wisdom to deal with difficult and hard circumstances, and the boldness to share my faith. I think if anything he allowed me to become an RA to give be a platform to be a positive influence. He took me (Madison), this quiet and old fashioned, high value, strong moral girl and placed her in a Sorority house where I daily had contact with girls who lived much differently than me. He took me (Madison), this quiet and sometimes ridiculously nervous girl and placed me on a staff team of which there was only one person who shared my same faith (until another girl joined us two semesters in) and thus gave me the BIGGEST stage for witness......whether that witness was in sharing my faith with fellow staff members and my boss, praying with a resident, sharing my relationship views with the girls in my house, or even just living a different life in the choices I made and expressing my views on a few occasions. Through being an RA I learned BOLDNESS and I learned how different I was from the world and nearly every other college student on campus, but I also learned that as an Introvert I could still thrive in an environment filled with people.

If my decision to become an RA taught me anything, it taught me about the REAL MADISON. It showed me the courage, strength, and boldness I possessed that I didn't even know I had. It showed me that God can do the unimaginable in your life and grow you exponentially more than you could have ever foreseen. It showed me that by being yourself, people respect that as being a unique part of who you are and that being yourself is the best thing you can ever offer the world (or college for that matter)!

Sure, I was exposed to more "college life" than I had originally expected by becoming an RA (I will forever be able to bust people for smoking marijuana....yes, you read that right), but I also got to do a lot of cool stuff and use my creative skills as part of my job. And sure, there were times that I didn't make the most of the opportunities that I had, but in the midst of it all I know that the opportunities I did take were defining moments in my life that forever changed me and changed my college experience. I could seriously write an entire book on this topic (as you can tell from this long post) but I will end it here, because through it all God taught me to see the open doors of opportunity around me, muster the courage to walk through them, and trust that he would keep them open for more of his crazy plans.

I always believed God has had CRAZY plans for my life and college was just many of those plans rolled up into one that reminded me that when I think I have control over the future, it is never really me, but God who succeeds!

- Madison

Dear Younger Me,

Dear Younger Me,

Monday, November 6, 2017

Dear Younger Me,
            You have NO CLUE the crazy path and journey life is about to take you on, so hold tight and get ready for the unimaginable, the unexpected and the sheer hilarity of God's plan for your life! So you just graduated high school, closing one chapter of your life and turning the page to another with untold stories waiting to be explored. So much has already happened in your life and yet so much hasn't happened.....you have no absolutely no clue what the future ahead hold, but just know without God the future is going to be impossible.
             You have dealt with you fare share of trials and test of faith, but nothing thus far can measure up to the journey and utter tests of faith that God will give you in the next four years. College is a whole other world, so remember when you had your own views of what it would be like (based on books and movies, etc.) its about 85% accurate. Sure, you already have the college work load conquered for the most part since you have been taking college classes for the last two years, but juggling a full college load, being away from your family, having no connections and being in a new place is probably something you haven't quite wrapped your head around yet, but just remember "paperclip promises" and trust that God will be with you every step of the way, and you will learn to rely upon him more than you ever have thus far.
              Throughout the next few years you will learn what it means to take sheer leaps of faith....blindly leaping into the unknown, the only thing that keeping you from completely freaking out is the knowledge that God will not let you fall, and with that you will learn that when you take leaps of faith you really can fly! You will learn that nothing happens by accident, because God really does place people in your path for a reason, whether it is to share your faith with them, be a positive influence, or simply be the friend they need (and they become the friend you need also). No neighbor, roommate, coworker, random college students, Bible study member, or professor comes into your life by accident.....they were all ordained centuries ago by God to be there and you were placed on this path in life for such a time as this!
               Attending a college void of any common acquaintances or friends is a leap of faith in itself, but you know that, so just know that God took that into consideration and placed a new bossum friend two doors down the hall from you and both of you will help the other survive college:) However, even with a dear friend to rely upon, at times you will feel alone. Maybe even the most alone you have ever felt in your life, but just know that when you feel alone God shows up and is fully present in your life.....so much so that even though you are alone (and might go an entire week without any real conversations with people) you will always have God to talk to and he will fill you with strength, comfort, and restoration to rely and grow in him for that season.
               Remember when you think that you will never really get to know that many people at college, well think again! Because God will not only place a dear close friend in your life but you will spontaneously apply for a job on campus to be a Resident Advisor, get the job immediately, and join a staff team of strangers who in a few short months turn out to be amazing people you never expected or would have met if you hadn't taken a risk. In that group of coworkers you will meet your small group leader, be invited to a Bible study that helps you grow in God, share your faith, impart different views of life to people from a variety of backgrounds, be a positive influence in the lives of others, talk about God with your boss, give someone a Bible, pray with a resident, be the first to welcome a new member of your staff team with a smiling face, shock people by doing things they didn't expect, and all the while stay true to who you are
               Throughout this journey called "college" you will develop and find yourself....you will find the "true Madison" the girl who can easily laugh and make fun of herself because she knows in here small corner of the world there are not many (if any) girls like her and she is okay with that! You will discover that your differences and "oddities" make you who you are and you will accept that the Madison you see in the mirror every day is exactly the person she was meant to be...with all of her differences, quirks, odd laughs, old soul, party of one, and so much more!
                In some cases, while college might seem every bit as it should, or every bit not what you imagined, in some instances it could let you down. Sure, you aren't going to college to find a new group of friends or get super involved on campus, and while you did meet a number of people you never would have imagined you would meet, you still won't meet "the one" (or at least so far as I know none of the gentlemen you ran across in college have arisen as part of God's plan for your future). Okay, okay, so I know you are not going to college because you are desperate for a boyfriend or husband, but I know you :) and I know that deep within your mind you have thought that "maybe, just maybe I might meet someone at college?" But just know that probably won't happen. Sure, you will come across your fare share of handsome faces, dapper styles, and inspirational + sold out Jesus followers, but none of them will be anything more than that. You will learn that your future (by this I mean a guy) is really in God's hands and you will learn to let go of doubt and thoughts of missed opportunities knowing that the right opportunity hasn't yet presented itself.....but if anything you have simply added more things to your LONG list and know that the future wives of those amazing guys are very lucky:)
                With all this being said, I will close by saying that you will become a dedicated and studious student who tries her best in every class, and because of that your professors will take notice. You will be praised for your dedication, even though you never did it to gain praise or attention. Your professors will see your bright future and because of their strong belief in you, you will be even more determined to do great things.
               The future that awaits you is crazy! If you were to watch the movie trailer to the next few years I'm sure you would be left speechless, laughing, and not believing that you (Madison) would be able to do half the things that you will do.......and that's just it! Your future will be a testament to God's faithfulness and plan for your life and your faith in him will be what sustains you, what carries you through hard time, what comforts you when you feel alone, what allows you to persevere through a test, what gives you the courage to be BOLD and share your faith, to be different than everyone around you, and to daily take leaps of faith into unknown waters knowing God will give you the ability to walk on the waters of a world you never saw yourself succeeding and growing so much in!
             Younger me, you future awaits and with it a sea of endless possibilities and opportunities that will leave you speechless, chuckling, and smiling up at God!!!

xoxoxo
Sincerely,
Older Me
Madison M.